On the way to Jerusalem

The Passover is near - we are walking up to Jerusalem.

This year everything seems different. Emotions are running high in the whole country. Roman soldiers are patrolling everywhere and dispersing groups of people.

Jesus is also different. He seems serious, tense, sometimes sad. Again and again He talks about suffering and death, mentions that the Pharisees will judge and execute Him. The mood among us is charged. The disciples often argue.  

I also feel depressed. I feel close to Jesus, yes - but then again something is strange. I have a vague suspicion that there will be a trial. Yesterday I heard a woman whisper to her neighbour on the road: "That's the Jesus they want to kill, isn't it?"

Then why are we still walking? Jesus knows this, and carries on walking... why? Again and again He reacts so differently to what we expect. I'm scared. 

I'm still pondering when I see that two disciples are bringing a donkey. They put their cloaks on the animal and let Jesus sit on it. What is He intending to do? After a few meters it happens: people in the street come running up to Him, lay their clothes on the road and start calling: "Hosanna the son of David!" The donkey walks slowly down the road with Jesus on his back, directly towards the main gate of Jerusalem - we move in. More and more people come out of the side streets, throw their coats onto the street, tear off branches, wave them or scatter them on the path - and their voices get louder: "Hosanna to the son David! Blessed is he, who comes in the name of the Lord..." Then scales fell from my eyes: These are texts from the prophet Sacharja[E1] ! I know them well: "Rejoice greatly, Daughter Zion! See, your king comes to you, righteous and victorious, lowly and riding on a donkey..." Hence the donkey! That's why He lets it happen! But people don't understand! The king in Sacharja, that's a very different king! What they’re doing here is dangerous.

The crowd grows. Now a chorus shouts. I see the first Pharisees. My fear increases. "Stop," they cry, "stop now..." My heart beats like a drum ... so many people, out of control ... Will it happen now? Will they get Him now?

A Pharisee, flanked by armed temple guards, makes his way to Jesus and orders: "Tell the people to stop! Now! Rebuke your disciples!" Jesus will interfere, I think, He will restore order. And Jesus straightens up ... I hold my breath ... and I hear Him, clear and confident, with a voice that will not tolerate any objections: "I tell you if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out." The words echo loudly across the square.

For seconds it is dead silent. I shiver, I feel dizzy. I close my eyes. I see an image in my mind’s eye: Jesus, a crown of thorns on His head, blood and sweat running down his face. And the crowd shouts: "We have no king but the emperor! Crucify Him! Crucify Him!" I hear hammer blows. A sharp pain flashes through me. I stagger, open my eyes wide and take a deep breath - the image is gone. "Hosanna to the son of David!" they shout again, louder than before. The sun shines warmly. I squint into the crowd and look for Jesus. And He looks at me. And in that look is everything: deep knowledge, clarity, determination, pain, loneliness... and an unimaginable love.

Now I understand.

Yes, terrible days lie ahead. They will execute Him.

I return His look and put all my courage, all my love into it:

Whatever happens, I'll stay with You. Betrayal, abandonment, pain - I'll stay with You. I trust You. I don't know how, I don't know when - but in the end life will win.

Sr. Martina Selmaier